Bigfoot Is a Terrorist

31.08.07

Categorie: Bizarre, Reality Check |

This just in: 

A member of the Canadian Mounted Police by the name of Mike Lake has officially notified the Canadian Parliament that he believes that Bigfoot should be added to the nation’s Species at Risk Act. This is similar to the Endangered Species List in the United States. According to Mr. Lake, the creature that is also known as the Sasquatch is real, and is endangered. The reason, he says that there have not been more sightings in North America of Bigfoot is because the creature is endangered, not necessarily shy like many believe.

bigfoot.jpgYes, this is a blog about war. And yes, this post is relevant. Bear with me.

“In the 21st century, no military strategy can be considered complete unless it recognizes and manages the risks that damaging the environment will pose to the military’s operational readiness.” This according to the Canadian army’s official website. ”The Army Environmental Strategy implicitly recognizes these risks and acknowledges our moral obligation to protect the environment, while offering a roadmap for the way ahead.”

That means taking care not to disturb any endangered species living in the vast tracts of undeveloped western land that Canada maintains as training ranges, according to a Canadian Forces news story:

“The troops are out there to do one thing,” said Capt. [Chuck] Roeder, “and that’s to train for operations. But they need to keep in mind that if something they’re going to do is going to have a negative impact on the environment, maybe there’s another way to do it.” He added, “It’s difficult when the primary function of the area is to support military training, but the bottom line is that it’s not our land, and we can’t leave any negative environmental legacy for the province.”

So what happens is Bigfoot gains official protection? Suddenly, huge swaths of western Canada might be designated as Bigfoot habitat, potentially limiting live-fire training at important bases such as Suffield. And that means soldiers who are less prepared for combat. In short, Bigfoot might seriously undermine Canada’s ability to train effective forces for its growing role in the long war against extremism.

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15 Responses to “Bigfoot Is a Terrorist”

  1. bigfoot says:

    You knew I was going to comment on this, didn’t you?

    (And while we’re at it, let’s take a moment to suspend disbelief and take the whole bigfoot thing at face value.)

    There have been conspiracy rumors in the Bigfoot research community for years that the logging industry and the government intentionally play down Bigfoot sightings. In the case of the logging industry, they allegedly fear a loss of harvestable area ($$$) in areas deemed protected should bigfoot be confirmed as a real species. In the case of the government, that it would have to conduct an exhaustive survey and then implement a management plan that includes butting heads with industry and Congress. So, the idea that confirmation of bigfoot’s existence might impact military training areas isn’t surprising.

    (Actually, there have been sightings in the United States at, off the top of my head, Fort Lewis, Yakima Training Area, Fort Hunter-Liggett, Edwards Air Force Base, Camp Pendleton, Camp Lejeune, and Fort Jackson. I am not aware of any sightings in or around CFBs, but I am certain they exist.)

    bigfoot habitat is not so easy to place. Bigfoot sightings are literally all over the map, although they trend towards locations near bodies of water adjacent to mountainous and hilly terrain. Oh, and year-round tree cover. But the easiest way to describe bigfoot habitat is “any place bigfoot finds interesting.” One thing is for certain: it would be more like giving the land back to the indians than it would be protecting the Spotted Owl.

    I sincerely doubt this gets through Canadian parliament. The giggle factor is just too high. There is a local ordnance on the books in Skamania County, Washington protecting bigfoot from hunting, but the actual intent of that was to prevent Joe Sixpacks from forming bigfoot hunting posses and accidentally shooting each other.

    (Face value off, thank you.)

  2. doc75 says:

    I’ve had the priviledge of visiting Vandenburg AFB where substantial lengths of beaches are off-limits to personnel because of the snowy plover, an endangered bird. I have heard that Camp Pendleton restricts beach assault training because of endangered species. Do you know why endangered species are found so often on military installations? Because military installations are closed to the general public. The public can’t build houses all over a military installation. They can’t drive all over the installation. They can’t sprawl all over the beach every day of the summer on an installation. Here’s my point: you can land the whole freakin 1st Marine Division on the beach at Camp Pendleton five times a year, run over a few nests of turtles and the turtle population will still flourish at Camp Pendleton despite all the warnings of environmentalists. Why? Because military installations by their practice of keeping the general public off the installations protect the environment.

  3. latoya says:

    is big foot really real where does he come from how old is he do you know if he going to live where he is or will he come to phoenix and things like that

  4. jada vance says:

    is big foot real….i would like so like to see him..that would be so cool..is he a part man and part gorilla….and can a man be that hairy…does he hurt people because i havent heard anything like that….does he kill people like mothman??????

  5. Brandon Johnston says:

    This comment is directed to jada vance concerning the matter of Mothman killing people.”Mothman doesnt kill people he presents himself to specified persons to tell them about upcoming disaster(s) so the people can prevent it from happening.” “P.S. I believe Bigfoot is real.”

  6. woz says:

    how would someone actually get a picture of a bigfoot and no one ever see him again? please, I would really like to know.

  7. Jean-Melanie says:

    Has bigfoot been spotted all over California primarily? How about the North Western United States? If bigfoot is an endangered species, do we have an estimate of how many of them are in existence? Wouldn’t there be more sightings if they were exisitning with us, evenif endangered?

  8. neesh says:

    i here stories about bigfoot mostly all the time, i just don;t know if they exist in this world or not. but can anyone tell me if its a fact or fiction becausse i;d like to know. i think your website gives the info somone needs.

  9. jake says:

    bigfoots fake! i know for sure

  10. Jinkey says:

    Aww Bigfoot looks just like Chuwbocha

  11. fdsad says:

    You are a terrorist not big foot

  12. gabriela says:

    i realy be leave in bigfoot i think he’s real.so do me and my dad.it is not fake at all ity is all real.

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